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Get Married at age 21
12th Nov 1988
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God Sis. nEshy. SC. liNg linG. ir3ne (riNg riNg). ducKy. EvA. li teng. kaRl. caRen. 1.73m.
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the fact that i actually came back here again to blog ain't a good thing at all. its being a year since i last came here. i am once again at my low low point in life. i am overwhelmed with feelings. i can feel hatred more than i feel love. facing a lot of unneccessary stress which i give myself. just started a new job in a not so new environment. and maybe tat could be part of the reason why i am giving myself so much stress. depression sinks in. inferiorty complex sink in. all the god damn negative things are sinking in. i can't think i can't love myself. it just filled with despise. i dunno where to go and so i came here to pour it out. and hopefully i am really able to pour it out. but i doubt so. if i am really able to pour it out and stand on my 2 feets firmly again i would have days ago after talking to him. but the same old bloody thing remains. some thing needs to be done. but i dunno how to? or am i too lazy to? i know an office job doesn't suits me at all. cos i am not someone who is good in paperworks or likes to do paperworks. but i have let myself in. i should be tryign my best and giving all i could. but have i? can i? i dunno just full of doubts and inferiority and laziness. i sucks!
i feel so unsafe. ya so unsafe to even blog here. freak out.. but i shall not be harm by u and allow u to hurt my friends.
today learn gala dinner make up. quite bar girl feel. ha ha. anyway was feeling moderate ok today. ha ha.
i wonder how nice would it be if i have someone doing tat to me too...
dots.......... have so so much to say. but dunno how to say. dun feel like saying as well. oh well. its mid autumn today. bought mooncakes for collegus and the isetan staffs. suddenly feel like celebrating . ha ha.
not feeling good. in a foul mood.lost my exlink card.. haiz... sian man.. hate myself for being so blur. i am constantly losing my things. haiz... tml hving an assingment again. a bit scare. i am havign doubts about my ability. i am not having confidence of myself. i dunno if i am able to do it or not. i dunno... i feel so lost and inferior. i just wanna play and have fun and slp for all i want. dunno wanna think about it. but i cna;t help it. the day is drawing near. and i haven;t found my model yet. haiz.. i am having doubt. can i really do tat kind of look? can i? can me do it? will i really be able to do it. it all looks so, chim.. am i really a professional? i dunno. i am starting to have doubts with myself. i needed some enncouragement and words of comfort. but i dun wanna self deceive myself too. can i really do it???
wahaha hahahaha. it has been so long......
kk i just reach home. ya. just reach home. went out with my colleagues. recenty got a few happenings. carmen is no longer my as! haiz!!!! she is such a nice nice person. oh well all good things have to come to an end. so went k box with them. to sort of farewell for her and also to celebrate mojo jojo birthday at the same time.have fun. but i do noe that my heart wasn't there. i was having depression. ya. dunno y too.over stress? but can't possibly be. having my 1 week break from drm leh. i oso dunno. just not feeling very myself. yes i did went crazy and stuffs. but i noe inside myself wat i am feeling.
its another high high into the sky blog. ha ha. so happy!! ha ha. but then i read this
its the exam week. and i have another oral thingy tml. haiz.. really dun feel like studying for it at all. i have som much more better things to do lor.haiz.. but i still have to go and study.. haiz...
think recently i am overworked liao. so much to the extend that i am unaware of wat i am doing or saying. temper getting shorter. almost quarrel with that idiot. duno wats wrong. now whole brain going in swirl. dunno wat i wanna write too. haiz.. back to my zombie kind of life..
as per normal i am running away from my problems once again. running away. hiding away. no guts to face my problem. dunno wat i am doing. dunno. only know tat i want to see u online. wanna see u online only. i dunno y. just wanna see u online. but dun wanna dun dare to talk to u. dunno wat to talk to u. u are busy. very busy. u have a bright future. a bright prospect. hardworking. serious in ur school. not like me. not like me. someone who always run away from problems. a coward. constantly wasting my time. chosing the wrong things. doing the wrong things. facing the same stress.
sort of just finish my ppt for today presentation liao.. just clear up the stuffs. haiz..
its NATIONAL DAY TODAY!!! HA HA!!
being going through a rough patch theses few days. too me so long to actually stand up again. the pressure is actually tat huge. feeling a lot better le.
i just feel like falling into a deep deep sleep and dun ever wanna wake up again...
i am freaking tire and worn out!!! isetan having promotions. as per normal is uber busy. was like uber busy the whole day. drain out my energy. still have to rush out projects later. haiz.. tats the life i have chose so who the hell am i to complain about it....
haiz.. the feeling is still lingering. if u have read the previous blog i poster earlier u would have know wat i am feeling.
ha ha. today is another roller coaster day. isn't it? morning can't wake up. late for class. but i was quite late for class is becos i waited close to half an hour for the bus. went for the hairstyling class. learn a new knot thing. hee hee. seems a bit easier.
its jasmine wedding yesterday!!ha ha. finally the big day has come. went over to her house for a stay over on sat. have fun. ha ha.
just got back. work work and work. i ask for it de lor. spent too much liao. having cash flow problem. no choice but to work. today was at bar 2. SCARY!! uber busy. the moment i step into the counter i am settling bills all the way till i knock off. busy counter sia. and i think i have done something wrong again! haiz.. but ok la.at least everything still seems quite ok overall bah. very tire. but hair still wet. gonna immerse myself into the virtual world till my hair are dry.
just got home. went st james the boiler room and also dragonfly. its fericia birthday on the 15th so he invited us to go for her party tonight. didn;t really have tat much fun. cos didn;t really have a feel of sense of belonging. didn't drink at all. only drink mocktail and have some food. tats all. dance a bit bah. after all tat place ain't zouk. so i really dun feel safe.
wahahaha. sis is back in town! ha ha. went to look for her today once my lesson ends. ha ha so nice. lesson ends early today. so i get to spent more time with her. ha ha. finally i get to went into that shop and eat. ok la. not tat ex la. belongs to the average range. after all i order the student meal. ha ha.
i am just not me. talking gibberish. nose block. brain block. as usual there's a blue black on my head. quite painful but used to it le.
went to visit siti in hospital today. had a nice long chat with her. feeling a bit better. actually was a lot better when i was with her. but now tat i am back oh well...
ha ha. today went to club armani to look for j. lol. ha ha. first timein my life going to tat kind ofplace. its quite sleasy.... ha a. but i didn't have much to worry about cos j is there to protect me. lol. haha. tat place a lot of uncles. ha ha. so used to zouk and the comfort zone. so went there it was like dots..... so many chinese ladies there.
dunno if i am falling sick soon or not. been sneezing today. ya ya. been emo. i know iknow. too emo is not good for me. but can't help it. been doing lots of weird things and thinking lots of weird things as well.
just got back from partying. drink like dunno wat today.drink a lot. today isthe first time in life i drink so so much. but i am not tat drunk. if not i wouldn't be abel to blog. now i know y ppl chose to drink to drown their sorrow. cos when u are real high u really don't think so much. although i was very high today i still noe wat i am doing. aware of wat i am going through and wat i am encountering. yes. i can't walk tat straight. was swaying left and right. having headache and giddiness. but i am still fine and ok. i decided to let myself go and take a break and i did. didn't wanna be such a goody goody girl anymore today and i did. threw away the burdens of mine a nice mummy girl today. dressing wasn't so much of the usual conservative me. behaviour wasn't so much like me. just drink when i feel like. i feel safe. yes i did. although it was crowded today. and yes. there was times when i felt unsafe. but i did manage to make myself be alert and as clear headed as possible. i am still who i am. still have that tiny bit of self discipline in me. did stop drinking when i really can't try to keep myself clear headed by asking for ice water lemons lime. anything tat can keep me relatively clear. kk. i didn't really stop drinking when i am suppose to. ha ha. its my friends who stop me from continuing to drink. ha ha. and i do know the consequence i need to face tml. but who cares. i really did enjoy myself today. i really did let myself go and not have and burden or pressure on my shoulder today. i let myself become who i wanna become today. i enjoy myself. i live a life call life today. i was a teenager for today! :)
waiting for someone to come online can be a tiring thing..
lacking of slp causes me to talk gibberish. felt a bit lost. ha ha.
ha ha. so i only slept for 2 hours plus? lol and that got me very high today. lol. the lecturer even tot i was drunk. lol. didn't know wat i have done to give her tat impression. a bit tire. still can't slp cos hair is wet and i am extremely full!! ha ha. went to have supper with my classmates. i mean my drm classmates. went to newton for supper. only 9 of us went. but we really have fun. ha ha. now very full. lol.
and so my body has finally give way. got headache since yesterday till today. can't take it liao.so no choice. came back home. was suppose to work at 530. but i really cannot make it le la. so no choice but to excuse myself from work and come home. tml having exams again. sian ah.. haven't study yet. but will study later. now i am gonna go slp liao. zzz...
so i have give. can't really study much. no heart at all. ha ha. thinking about too much things. but anyway uncle called me just now ma. as per normal. so at least i did go through a bit lor. ha ha. sometimes dunno if i am teaching the uncle or the uncle is teaching me. ha ha. back to my la la land. or tml peter angel gonna suan me liao. ha ha. the fun fun peter!
i am so uber stress out!!!!!!! if only i could cry it out and release all the pressure inside me. it so suffocating!! ah!!!!!!!! so much things to do!!!!!!! but i am a human. just a human. adn a woman at tat. y is it tat suddenly everything seems to be push to me to finish it? y? i am so so so stress up!!!!!!!!!! ah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i am so pissed off. y can't they be more understanding. y does it always got to be like this? y? y? Y?
yesterday we did our first hands on lesson. very fun. ha ha. had lots of fun. was doing the shaping of nose. lol. super funny lor. ha ha. in the end i got a black triangle nose. lol. but lucky can be remove. if not i will go to work with a black triangle nose. ha ha.
so i have attended my graduation ceremony on the 29th. so i am now officially graduated from poly le.
so feaking tire. so much things to do but i have got so little time. been working here and there. then i need to juggle with my studies as well. somemore need to entertain friends as well. dots.. really dun have tat much time left for me to do wat i wanna do. so it will eat into my slping time.. dots... been a part time student is even more difficult to cope than a full time student....
i am so so so busy!!haiz... no more time to slack liao. sian ah!!i think i am holding btw 2 jobs to 3jobs. not sure if i can really cope or not. my studies are having more projects pouring in. ah.. so many projects to do. so sian... dots... but i like wat i am doing now. cos its the path i chose. u lay on the bed tat u made urself.
ha ha. so i wake up early in the morning just to go for a run. ha ha. but in the end it became a jog then it became a walk. ha ha. manage to run for a extreme short while then jog for another short while then become brisk walk to normal walking. ha ha. its not bad le lor. ha ha. consider the fact that i haven't exercise since i left secondary schools. which is 3 years ago? ha ha. so i haven't sweat due to exercise for 3 years plus le. ha ha. wanted to make a change in my life. thus went jogging today. gonna enjoy my hard to come 2 weeks break. will resume my work in zouk from april. not gonna be a part timer. gonna be a casual labour. ha ha. i need a bit more freedom. ha ha. went back to zouk on friday. miss them lots. ha ha. but they are a bit busy. cos got events ma. saw the ah sa from twins twice. wah she go toilet oso need bodyguard.... ha ha. really superstar sia. ha ha. today's my off day. and i got it all plan out le. ha ha.wed i got another off day. still in the process of planning. dunno wanna go donate blood or not leh. cos my hb level dunno hit le ma. ha ha.
so yesterday was my last day. and my effort to leave silently failed. some of the prs knows about it. cos someone told them about it. but well nvm. not a lot of them know after all. think around 5 person only. ha ha.and so i left. but i will be back. i promise. but when i dunno. i am currenly thinking of taking up a makeup course. i dunno la. i am so so so emo now. my mind is in a whirlpool. cos i dunno wat i want. look around me everyone seems to know wat they are doing adn wat they wnat. but i dunno leh. i just seem so lost adn confused. i am just so lost la. always not knowing wat i want. ahhh!!
kk so i went to zouk today. ha ha.ask song ge, cocaine and tian mei out. hee hee. super packed. so go wine bar have drinks. ha ha. have fun lor. think the bartender gonna be qi shi by me liao. ha ha.
at the start of this chinese new year i have been quite busy. ha ha. been working. then juggle a bit of ydc then also went house visiting. ha ha.
a new year ahead. and a new emo me. ha ha. i dunno y i am feeling emo now...
today not feeling tat well. slpt the whole day. was dead to the world. i am too tire le. and i have hit my limit le. basically someone push me to my limit too. haiz..
he got me all so lost again. dots....
so i am sick today... dots.. but ok la got to go back early. someone sent me home. thanks ah. but i am still not feeling well. ha ha. things haven't been going well in my life. ha ha.
i am having a headache now. not feeling tat well. but still ok. i am feeling more at peace le. after all the rollercoaster ride events these few days. can't remember wat test i have next week and the timing of the test.
hmmm... my criteria of mr right.
this is so so so not me. ha ha. i am actually waiting him to come online when i know he won't ha ha. i know he's working now and wun be able to come online. but then i am still waiting him to come online. ha ha.
i have been so so busy with my life tat i have break my record. ha ha. i didn't slp from thursday to friday. got around 4 hours of nap. then was busy with my project again. then went to work then sat went school wwent meeting then went work. got home nap then go work. gosh. i miss my slp so much. today just simply can't wake up at all. finally have an off day. its such a hard to come off day for me and my dear dear.
i am so fucking pissed off!!!!!!!! ah!!!!!!!!!!
can somebody save me? i am dying. i am so stress up. i have driven myself up to the wall. i am dying. i have so so much things to settle. but i have so so little time. i am so damn useless. i look down on myself. i despise myself. such small things i also can't handle. i really feel like cutting myself. i just wanna punnish myself. i just wanna cut myself. but i know i can't. but i really wanna cut myself. i really want to... some body save me please. i need u in my life. i need u.....
k. so i kanna warning letter liao. so i can't skip anymore lesson le. and to prevent tat from happening i gave up my slp. didn't slp. was home at 410 plus. took some time to remove make up, shower etc. by the time i am done its 5 le and my hair is ultra wet. so might as well dun slp. so do some stuff to keep myself awake. but really too tire so took a nap. and someone gave me a wake up call. LOL. so surprise to receive the wake up call. but i do feel happy though. ha ha. at least i got the feeling tat someone dotes on me. ha ha. so here i am in the lesson. but can't concentrate. feel so much like slping. sian..
weeeee!!!!!!!! yesterdya was fun!!!! wahahaha. although got quite a few idiot customers its fun overall. ha ha. must concentrate on the good things rather than the bad things. time passes damn fast. and i was damn busy. so many ppl sia. ha ha. but then zouk out and zouk like no diff leh. cos i'm too busy liao. can't see wat zouk out really was. ha ha. so its just like working in zouk but in the zip format. ha ha. cos time really passes by too fast liao. working with julia. so at least got someone to talk to when the pace got slower. but then really got too much stuff to do. so not much time to talk anyway. i got to do relieve too. at least i finallt feel tat i am not so useless. cos yesterday needed more of ticketing experience rather than bar experience. the dinner was the bet liao. chicken chop curry rice. ha ha. then supper i ate cup noodles. think i wait until 5 plus before i eat. then i didn't short any money too. ha ha. tats good. hee hee. hold my bladder until 1 am plus sia. tsk tsk. tats bad lor. but didn't know i can hold it for tat long anyway. ha ha. think too busy to think tat i wanna go toilet. and its too busy liao. no relief. so can't go toilet too. ha ha.
i am utterly digusted by all the things tat have been happening to me. too much things are happening. though i never blog it. dun wanna remember wat i am going through now.
hm.. dunno wat to type. mind is malfunctioning. dun wanna remember wats happening for the past few days.
wahaha. in another few hours time i will be 19 years old liao. so let me now do a recap on wat i've done for the past one year for my age 18. ha ha.
kk so tats all i manage to think of for now. ha ha. can't recall much liao. hee hee. wait till i recall more things i 'll place it in again. ha ha.
wahooo!!!!! ha ha. i am almost drunk sia. ha ha. got so damn high for the first time in my life thru alcohol. ha ha. can't really walk straight. a bit swaying. can't stand tat properly. feel my hands go weak. got almost no strength at all. haha. then my face feel hot. my bodyfeel hot initially then feel cold. ha ha. feel like laughing constantly. the whole of my body went red. yes the whole of my body not just my face. think my neck and my back are the reddest of all. haha. got to lean on a wall when i brush my teeth. ha ha. even when i'm laying on the bed i can feel my world is spinning. ha ha. not a very nice feeling but not tat bad of a feeling when i think back. ha ha. YES!! i finally manage to drink till i feel high and almost drunk. WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
today went to hawker center and shop. bought a handphone battery and also the leggings. so more or less wat i need has been bought le. saw a dress quite nice. but i didn't try on. maybe next week or wat then go see see again. since the hawker center has reopen i haven't went up there since. first time went up. change a lot. got a few nice shop tat can shop. sell youngster fashion clothes. not bad. ha ha. the price quite ok too. saw a shop tat got sell the lame i am not a plastic bag bag. didn't see the price. but i think should be quite cheap.
i am so so into this song right now. ha ha. love this song! it suits the situation. ha ha.
| http://www.myheritage.com/collage |
I am having fun with this man. ha ha.
dots lor.. wake up so early just for this lesson.. lucky i skipped it last week. the tutor is so oh my god. can't really stand the way she talk. so de dots.... its too slang for me. hurting my ears. dunno she went which country for overseas studies. tats y got tat slang. haiz.. didn't have a nice impression of her. can say tat she should be quite concern for students. cos she did ask me y i didn't attend last week class. but then tat may also be because tat she wanted to strike a conversation with me or just wanna fill in the blanks. cos there aren't much students in the class earlier.
hmmm.... i dunno wat to blog le. just noe yesterday i am extremely emo and these few days i am emotionally unstable. so does not much things tat i wanna record down bah. hmmm... having fun at work. ha ha. tats all bah?
wahahahaha. i finally got an off day. ha ha. a day tat belongs to me myself and no one else. ha ha. slept until 7pm wake up becos someone call my house. but i could have selpt all the way till tml. if i didn't remember i got a tv program at 7pm. so just wake and watch the drama lor. think i'm gonna slp soon liao once i stop feeling so full. ha ha. need to replenish moy eneergy after working non stop for the past 2 days. ha ha.
just got back home from work. was working at suntec for these 2 days. yesterday damn tire. cos they changing the visual. the whole shop was in a mess. cos changing the display for the whole shop. shift the racks here and there. move the clothes here and there. unfold the clothes fold the clothes. steam the clothes and then still need to serve customer somemore. dots lor.. so tire. so in the end i bully one of my colleagues. wahahaha. feel so bad la. but he's a nice guy la. ha ha. he did most of the work. ha ha. so ps. push all the work to him to do. cos i really damn tire le la. by the end of the night i can't take it liao.
yesterday was my first day of work. quite stressful. afterall i am handling with money and the queue can be quite long too. and on my first day of work i met bing han, kelvin and their gang. ha ha. they all seem so shocked to see me there. LOL. and the bing han seems to wear the same clothes whenever he went there. lol.
just got back from work. feeling hungry and my feet are sore.
wahahaha. i finally get to shop after such a long time. feel so good. ha ha. bought myself a pair of shoes from DMK and some misch stuffs. got a bag from Charles and Keith as a present for her. still have around 2 more presents to get. still thinking about wat to get.
i am a failure. one big failure..........
后来-刘若英
kk i know i have an ea paper. but i am really not in the mood to study! ah!!! just can't concentrate.its god sis bdae today and i am not finish with her present. dots... will continue with her present in the next couple of days. explain to her le. so i dun think she will mind. hee hee.
kk its been a long time since i last update my blog. but acually i have been updating it daily. but in my mind. ha ha. cos i dun wanna corrupt the whole of my blog with vugalur. there will be a lot of f words if i were to update my blog daily. ha ha. too much things happen liao. and i just got so f-ing piss off by everything. so just dun feel like blogging anything. and been tooo too busy le. juggling with too many things. really can kill me sia.
i am feeling so lost these few days. dead damn tire. but am i really lost or was i too clear of wats happening tat got me lost. for i couldn't believe wats happening now is really happening?
kk. i just got back home. went to watch harry potter. the movie was a disappointment. or maybe i expected too much and it doesn't meet my expectation. its is so diff from the story la. for goodness sake. so many parts have been cut aways. dots la. if they can;t squeezed the story in to 136mins then let it be a 3hours movie then. so many parts has been cut off. dots lor. real disappointment. not much nice scences oso. maybe the last few scence the fighting scene can make it. tats all. the rest of the movie seriously cannot make it. the movie is lousy. an insult to the story. seriously reading the storybook is so much better than watching the movie.
Labels: kk
现在的我有点累，但还不能睡。因为头发还湿湿的。刚才去了表科尼所以刚到家不久。哪个地方还好啦。不过还蛮奇怪的。没有甩子也没有扑克牌。电视银幕播放着运动节目。然后服务态度也不是很好。
ha ha. today i went for another graduation ceremony. lol. among all the graduation ceremonyi've been to this is the most informal, shortest time taken and fun le. ha ha. may have graduated le. but this just marks the start of everything. ha ha.
阿！！ 好烦啊！到现在我都还没有开始读书！！！ 真糟糕！
ok. after today i have close another chapter in my life. ha ha. time for me to move on le. ha ha.
ahh!! i just saw on web that nec got this hello kitty notebook! damn nice la!!! really wanna buy it sia. haizz.. but me so poor liao no money to buy it sia. haiz.. its ulta nice sia.. but think even if i've the money i also dunno how to buy it. ha ha. the web site to buy the notebook is all in jap. ha ha. can't read jap. hee hee. so even if i got the money i also dunno how to go about buying it online. ha ha. oh well. i have no fate with hello kitty bah. ha ha.
kk so i went to club at zouk on wed. had around 2 hours of slp? having a headache now. gonna go slp once my hair dry. yesterday for the first time i tot i am in mos sia. but ok la. after tat everything turns out quite ok la. the guys are quite gentleman so its oughly ok bah. ha ha. but reallly cannot stand the fact of squezzing into the crowd aimlessly sia. i hate to be in the crowd with no personal space at all. its damn itrritating. yesterday saw the superstar guy. not bad looking. think his slightly drunk bah at the end of it. cos when i was on the cab when i saw he and his friends walked out. and his pattern looks a bit like drunk. didn't see him dance lor. wat a waste. only saw he and his friend drinking at the table. but anyway the table is so faraway from the dance floor. dun think he can squezze in and dance lor. ha ha. then yesterday someone bought us drink. didn't like the idea at all. thus i refuse to drink anything at all. they doesn;t seem tat nice too. told them so many times i dun wanna drink liao still wanna force me too. lucky they stop before i flare up. but i doubt i will flare up after all k and e are there. must give them face ma.
kk. so these few days i finally comes to term with the fact of how naive or dumb i am. i get influence by others ultra easily. ha ha. i can't hold my own view of someone for long. i get influence too easily le. and i dunno y. its a tough for me to change though. haiz.. thus this always gets me into trouble. haiz... if u want me to like someone just say some good things about tat person in front of me and my mind has been brainwashed liao. or vice versa. u wants me to hate tat person just badmouth tat person in front of me. and tat person image in me is gone case liao. dunno y i am getting more and more easy to be influence liao. haiz....
here i am in school. finally get to surf the net on my notebook. i am suppose to be studying. ha ha. but then as pernormal. ha ha. i wun be studying. ha ha.
i simply love zouk man. ha ha. went on the eve of vesak day. damn packed. ha ha. but its fun!!! ha ha. love there sia. the music is just simply my kind of music. ha ha. somemore its mambo jumbo ha ha. simply love it. ha ha. was kinda of these few days. mood was like on a roller coaster. was suffering from mood swing as per normal. haha. been out of job for quite some time so went back to tat job again. anyway my working status is very complicated. think u can consider me as having 2 jobs and also having not a single job. ha ha.
so here i am sitting in my bro's room updating my blog. just got back home from the clinic. went to club at clinic today. clinic is ultra small. didn't find it fun. so got home early.
wahahaha. today i'm feeling so happy!! ha ha.
WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I finally get to visit zouk yesterday. wahahahahha. so happy. hee hee. saw a few familiar faces. hee hee. had a chat with them. quite nice ppl. ha ha. zouk is so nice. ha ha. far far far much better than mos. i seriously dislike mos lor. but still prefer dxo. ha ha. cos dxo songs are songs tat i heard of one. hee hee. maybe zouk songs too updated. so i didn't hear before. hee hee.
好忙啊！！！忙得我快要疯掉了！！一天只有24小时是不够的！我又不会分身术，大大小小的事都在同一天，同一个时段发生好烦啊！！！！！！不知道我是怎么搞得。为了买一台laptop把自己搞得那么狼狈。我看laptop还没买到我已经向阿妈报道了吧。哈哈。就为了存钱买laptop, 这几天我的算盘打得超响的。不止这样，我还拼了老命的工作。真的好累好累。还有一堆山的project还没做。我就快要疯了！！ 啊！！！！！！！！！！
kk. today is the world red cross day. really not sure today wanna go st james and club or not. haiz.. most probablywill be working. haiz.. not say work is not nice la. just tat u know. no matter how auntie i am there are still tat tiny weeny bit of teenage blood flowing in me. i still wanna have fun. ha ha. well well. since i agree to work today so just go and work bah. helps to save money at the same time. hee hee. being very careful with my spending for the week. trying to save up money for a laptop asap. hee hee.
ok lor. life has been very busy. but i am having fun too. ha ha.
Yipeee!!!!
yipee!! today i have successfully donated my blood. ha ha. the nurses over there are all so kind and friendly. they treat me very nice. haha.
haha. long time since i get to blog. has too much update le. espcially the clubbing thing on last last friday. haha. i just remember the last day of attachment. hee hee. a bit too late le. so dun feel like blogging about that. ha ha. well well. so yesterday i went for job hunting.
一直以来我都一直在逃避。不断的逃避着我所面对的问题。一直到问题变得越来越大时，我就会想用死来解决一切的一切。很没出息吧。这就是我。哈哈。
well, yesterday went idol chasing. the day before went for the workshop thingy. the day before the day went for picnic. dead damn tire. can u imagine i fall asleep while watching tv at 9plus!! not the 1 am or 2 am tv programme. but a 9pm show!! tats how tire i am. the first fell asleep when watching 9 pm show. not tat i am having fever or wat lor. i feel so tire!!
kk. it has been a very long long long long time since i last blog using my house com. haha. this weekend is damn pack. haha. shall make time next week to go for blood donation. hee hee. hopefully i won't kanna reject again. hee hee. today really enjoy myself. haha. although my shoulders are still aching. but i am still happy. haha. very happy. am i extremely happy becos i wanted to cover the hurt i have suffer or the disappointment? maybe i shouldn't be feeling disappointment. cause afterall i expected it anyway. maybe can't really accept that it really turn out the way i tot to be bah. haha. well well. shouldn't care so much bah. just enjoy my hectic weekend can le bah. haha. i wanna buy shoes!! wat i am lacking in is shoes. but dunno wat got into me. i keep buying bags. haha. bought 3 bags in 2 weeks time? haha. now i have too much bags liao. the wardrode can't stuff everything in. haha. think when school reopen i can bring a different bag everyday for one week? or plus plus? haha. but me lazy la. wun keep changing bags bah. haha. looking forward to tomorrow? a bit bah. but the lunch bah me still very the sian sia. haha.
Its your birthday today. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
so here i am typing my blog while happily eating my cup noodles and also anwsering phone calls. doing three things at one go can be confusing. haha. nvm. i've just hang up the phone. so now doing 2 things at the same time. ha ha. so the picnic is set. this coming friday at the botanical garden. haha.
omg. haha. to think that i like someone who smokes. haha. so not me. haha. no need to guess, none of you who reads my blog knows him. haha. he is definitely not sl. haha. think i have work under female working environment for too long liao. haha. so become ultra despo. to think that i like the guy who smokes. not only that. the guy has moustache or should i say beard too. haha. so off. haha. really not the kind of guys who i will like. hee hee.
i am still alive and kicking. and is kicking with heels. haha.
there is a serious earthquake earlier. and all of us have to evacuate the building. its the second time i am experiencing it. but it is much more serious compare to the first one.
its another day...
ok la. today was ok. nothing much to say.
today work was wonderful. i almost finished all the telemarketing. left with less than 5 persons to call. and can only call them at certain timing. thus i get to do other stuffs. and it was fun. i get to use the type writer and type some stuffs. it was great. i like wat i am doing right now. typing using typewriter.
so here i am in the office. did something out of ordinary. i make myself a cup of cappucino to drink. haha. something in me is just not right and i am aware of it. to think tat i would drink coffee. ha ha. but i seriously can't drink coffee. i am having a headache liao. haiz................
so once again i am alone in the office. its lunchtime now. i dun feel like going out. yesterday i skipped my lunch too. had a bit of chips later in evening before having my dinner at 7. but then think i too long never starve myself le.so body a bit not use to it. i had weak limbs. could hardly stand straight or still. so today bought a few piece of bread to eat. ate 1 and 3/4 for breakfast when i reach the office. and the remaing as my lunch. now make myself a cup of milo. hopefully it can last me all the way till me dinner. now i gonna take my nap. hee hee. feeling extreme tire. well wat to do. its an office job, and i have to telemarketing which is the worse. can somebody kill me.
ahh!! i am feeling so hungry!! i can feel needles inside my stomach. been drinking milo since morning. but dosen't seems to be of much help. its my lunch time now. but i am staying in the office. not going for my lunch. self abusing myself. for wat i dun noe. just feel like torturing myself today tats all.
war is over.
today is the official start day of war. haha. had my first paper today. its ok la. dun think will fail. so ya. will pass. maybe a c. praying hard for a b. thursday would be ta1. haiz.. another module that cause me headache.
这几天经常下雨。就有如我的心情。这段日子我一只勉强自己做些我不想做，不喜欢做的事。我累了。 真的累了。非常厌倦我现在的生活。围绕在我身边的人也都变了。是他们变了还是因为我变了？好烦啊！！！
i just reach home and have a shower. went to dxo and club. tonight was the first time i club until it close shop. hee hee. well today was an eye opener. saw a lot of things. some funny some was a shock to me. but it does shows me the "danger" of clubbing and how guys are like.
ok so here i am in t2255 trying to finish up my gems project and planning for the movie thingy later. so here goes my plan for today. finish the project asap. get out of the school. make my way to town and watch death note 2. so tats my plan. watching movie alone after doing the project. weird isn't it. watching movie alone. i used to tot i would not have to watch death note 2 alone. that "friend" of mine would watch with me since we have watch death note together. but things change. not tat surprise by the change. for this is my life. god like to make fun of me. ha ha. god likes me to do things alone be alone. ha ha. learn to accept it and find pleasure in it.
我即将展开我人生的新旅程。既然已经清楚自己要的是什么，做些什么才能够让自己快乐那就放手一博。勇敢地去做吧！
我又迷失了方向。应该算是正常的吧？我不清楚。好不容易宁静的心又被拨动了。我现在就像是迷失了方向的一艘船。不知情归何处。深奥吧？哈哈。连我自己都不知自己这么了更何况是你们。哈哈。我又疯了。
the followoing is currently now my fav song. and ganesh if possible can help me change to be my blog song? thanks!
Love Me Again - kelly poon
time flies by. its been one year le. and a very eventful year. ha ha.
hmmm. good morning! surprise surprise. its the 18th and i wake up so early in the morning. ha ha. yup yup. today marks the start of the term break. in other words the holidays. ha ha. but not a very nice one though. ha ha.
hee hee. yesterday did something on impulse but not really on impluse. something planned but not really planned. hee hee. i went to donate blood!. wahaha. at long last. finally i've donate blood. hee hee. its is fun. hee hee. k la. i know donate blood is a serious thing and should not be fun bah. but i sadist ma. so i saw my blood flow out. hee hee. so fun. hee hee. so happy. i am so proud of myself to be a blood donor. ha ha. now when i am on the street when i saw someone. the first thing that strike my mind was. have he/she ever donated blood? ha ha
therotically speaking today is the last day of school and it will be the three weeks term break le. hee hee. but i still feel like tml will be it. hee hee.
a week has pass since i last updated my blog. was busy. with wat i dunno. just feel all so sinful. been taking cab quite frequently recently. i am so damn broke. spending has been high these few days.
just some random thought. ppl like to wear black. u see those ceremony, those artistes wear black. black is known to be a safe colour. everybody wear black clothings and love to wear it. but have u ever seriously tot about it? ppl are contradicting too. they love to wear black. they seem to love the colour black. but they never want their hair to stay black forever. weird isn't it. some even hate their skin to be black. but they love to wear black clothes. human are weird. or maybe i am just the only weird one thus i find the whole world is weird? i am the misfit. i am the odd ball. the odd one out.
kk. today finally manage to get my lazy bum off the bed and come for the 8am lesson. reason being i had skipped too many lessons f this module and i can't skip anymore le. hee hee.
now in the midst of the lesson of fmkt. feeling super sucky now. i lost my DOLPHIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! can u imagine i actually lost it!! i am feeling damn sad la. lost another support. wonder how many support i am going to lost this month. now my handphone looks so weird without it. sob sob. had the tot to hang the chain. but the chain is not my name. will looks off if i hang it. haiz.
同恩-<<本来>>
i am alone in the library using com. its break time now. i chose to be alone. needed sometime to heal myself. needed sometime to be alone. to prevent myself from been hurt.
i am doing somehting stupid. i skipped school the whole day today. ya. i skipped blaw lecture. i know i am been stupid. but i really needed some precious peace and some time belong to me myself. really need it desparately. going crazy soon bah. think and think. i just can't stop thinking and guessing. its driving me nuts. sorry. i know i did say i will not think about it anymore and just move on in life. yes i know i am been stupid. here i am thinking and thinking, guessing and guessing, making my life so miserable. while my "friend" may be enjoying life. i know i am been stupid. but i just can't it. just give me some time. i just need some time. and of course a new motivation in life. someone or something that is able to add colours to my life again. and i will heal completely. just give me some time. have faith in me k. i know i am able to do it. i know i am able to walk out f it and stop thinking about it. but i just needed time. time is wat i needed most. i will be fine soon.
yesterday had a long talk with nellie on the phone. should be quite long bah. didn't really take note of the timing.
i am suffering from a serious headach from the lack of sleep and thinking. things ain't getting any better. its getting worse. i am getting more and more weak. can someone just save me from all the suffering? ah ma where are u?
just wat has happne?!! can somebody tell me. anyone please tell me! i can't take it anymore le. dun wanna cry over it. if this thing drags any more i am afraid i would break down. i really would break down. i can't take it i really can't. just wat is happening. its beeen days and there has been no news at all. did something really happen to u? dun scareme please! i am breaking down soon if there is still no news. please dun do this to me. god please dun do this to me. i can't take it. i really have no strength to take such a blow. please god please!
slacky day for me. haiz, haiz, haiz. i still haven't got over it...
i am longer the one who i used to be. u dun disturb and i wun disturb u. dun mess around with me and i will leave u alone. so stop pestering me! dun wanna quarrel with u anymore. just leave me alone!
a lonely me in this lonely night.
this coming monday would be the olevel emaths paper 1 and friday is emaths paper 2. so todya i had my last saturday tuition. had quite a long one. touch up a lot things. she seems to has forgetten quite a few things too. really hope tat she will do well for her olevel maths paper.
these few days are boring and shatt. think my handphone is more shatt than me. haven't let it rest for a few days le. can't let it rest. got to on it 24/7 just for someone. hoping one day she will call me let everything out and she will be on her feet again. recently feel the heat and stress from studies. i really have choosen the wrong course. or should i say i chose the wrong life? just wanna run away from everything. run and run away from everything.